Ok Above is proof I have a learners permit, and there is the picture to prove it. A lot has happened in my world, I am going to Central now, and having regular sex, I don't know how long that will last but its nice to know. I am on the pill, so my moods have been oddities lately, yet pretty expectant. I have lost all sense of a point in any of this. So I suppose I shall update my web site to avoid doing homework. Bad habits I am working at it slowly, fear of failure and rejection. I know what I am capable of, and I don't want to do less then that.

In August something started that has dramatically affected my entire world, I fucked my now former best friends boy friend. Yes, I know not a nice thing to do is an understatement. Well things went along and we finally stopped it, it looked like she would finally put out for him, and they were getting closer then boom, she heard a rumor, and he had to tell her to relieve his conscious, totally understandable. He loves her.

Not only that but I skipped a complete menstrual cycle.

So as you can tell I have been going through deep emotional, spiritual, and physical turmoil. I have been brought to a point where I have stopped caring particularities. At the point of suicide in September, I made a promise to the guy I fucked to start all this, J, that I wouldn't kill myself. He gave me the you go, I go, line then inserted those who would follow if I went. So I have concluded that the only real reason I am hear is him. Well that's a false illusion, but I act like it at times.

School is going down the tubes, I cant skip anymore classes and I really need to do homework. Although I know the realities, I have been writing homework down everyday, planning on d doing it and just not, like today I came home and passed out on the couch, woke up 10 minutes later having to pee, went to the bathroom and went strait to bed slept till 7 then got a phone call and fell back asleep till 9.

I need to get Priorities strait but the decision I need to make is what goal do I have for the future.

I know I need to finnish high school, but it just doesn't seem important anymore, which isn't healthy for my future.
I need to find a passion other then, sex.

Life is so confusing yet, everything is so predictable. UGH!!

Oh yeah I am going to be a published poet, Goddess 2001 Date Book published by Rowan Press.

Groovy eh?

Anyway more later I suppose have to update other pages along the way.

My the Darkness only tease your soul, and not let you be blinded completely to the light.
Sheena


Ok I am 17, now, still no Drivers License, but I don't have access to a car so it doesn't matter, yes I am that crazy girl you sit next to on the bus. Or train. Well I don't know what to tell you just letting you know I am 17, I haven't done much school back school back. My Brother has a girlfriend now, one of my close friends. But they are both happy, so I am happy for them. Not for me though, no I am drifting in and out of the oddest moods, complete and total emotionlessness, followed by either misery or giddiness actually its like a Calm. Just this odd calm and contentness that falls over me. I just don't care at all. Its rather weird. Well anyway I was just updating my site and figured I would let you all know. I suppose I should tell you more. But I cant seem to figure out the words talk to you all later.

Oh God DO I need a Relationship!!!

Smile, its the second best thing you can do with your lips!!!
Sheena


So You want to find out a little more about me, where does one start when describing themselves, well I am 16, don't have a drivers licenses yet, here is a scan of a key chain that might explain why?

Yes just a little lazy, or so it seems at times, I try my best, Or I hope I am trying my best, me and my beloved just went on a year and 6 month break, starting today, as you can tell I am not in the most peppy of moods, but at least I have plans for the day after Canada day 2001, Anyone else get a kick out of typing 01 and freaking people out, don't od that your going to crash the paper, and pencil, my mom currently works at Spencer's gifts and if you have ever been in one of those places you will understand how absolutely Luck I am!!! I have a black light, although the remote for it works for both me and my brothers and although I am on the top floor of the townhouse and he is in the basement we have turning on and off wars when he turns them both on or off in the middle of the night and well at least its something to do while I lay up at night struggling to remember how to fall asleep, As you probably guessed I can never get to sleep which is way its 12:32 am GMT-7 Here and I have absolutely no true need to go to bed although I probably should considering there is school in the morning, I probably don't want ot go lay down and start crying, over all I knew this was going ot be a bad day which is why I tried my best to stay in bed as long as possible, Once I finally get to sleep its a bother getting me back up, I wrote a Math Final Today, yes even more of a bonus as to the whole William thing.

I know Grammar isn't my strong point. Though my spelling is improving!!

Well Let me explain William to you, he is well William my boyfriend not I cant call him ex boyfriend my future boyfriend that works we are just on a year and a half break up that's all, oh yes I am nieve at times, Well I met him on the internet had a year and 3 month Relationship with him all online and never really met him irl in any from you would believe, although at nights I would wake up in his arms that's a different story.

I love William, will always love William and will always be William's, no matter what's going on in my life. That's about it, we could go into the long line of broken I will be there insert day or month here but we wont because although we already have elaborating on the subject will not help me I don't think anything will help me.

I am not crying I cant tell why maybe I am so shut off from my inner flowings of emotions that I cant

I find myself faking emotions a lot, is this a common thing or as I suspect another psychological problem, well psycho or not I am me, and Well that's the only person I can truly every be

Even when I am acting which recently isn't very often I find myself in roles that express an aspect of me, but I suppose that we are all little bits of other people all thrown together which is weird I am every bit of everyone arranged in a certain way.

If you think about DNA that makes a lot of Senses its all the same stuff just it arranges itself differently in me then in you.

I have lots of Secrets that although they aren't so much secrets as things I just try my best not to let out into my families knowledge.

Right now I am going through a typical teen disliking cant get along with my parents thing its mostly directed towards my father and even though I know it is so typical and so stupid I cant seem to get past it. I suppose all teens no matter how old get stuck up in these stupid acting like teens things, Sometimes.

If you aren't a teenager be glad of it if you are going to be one soon, May you be Blessed and Guided and Just all the power and help you need sent your way.

Those people that say if they could live their teen years over again with what they knew now, its still troublesome, I know everything I do is stupid and pathetic but I cant seem to get my tiny little teen brain to think anywhere else about that, I know Sheena is me but not me sometimes there is a part of me the part that is writing now that isn't as childish and teeny, but is old and wise, and with all the experiences of past lives building up inside, it knows I screwing up yet again and screams and shouts and gets so frustrated.

Oh well I suppose I better finished for now and head to bed, maybe my emotions will unconfuse myself unlikely but maybe,

*sigh*

Bon Nuit

Everyone
Hope you Enjoy my Page
May Love, Light, and Happiness rain down upon you
 
 


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